Stevo Rangers

I've been told to keep this short and sweet, I've also been told my blog someone's "guilty pleasure" and they have me on tab (not tap!) - A fast rugby player... but I'm not allowed to say who, I've had four requests to feature in a post and I've heard people are jealous that a picture of others has appeared in a post! - I'm more than flattered. Thanks guys and dolls!

Stevo Rangers - we're a bunch of bear hunters who go and hunt bears to eat them and wear their fur. We also belong to Durham University Stephenson College and last night was the Freshers' week launch. I am a welfare rep (if you didn't know that previously), there are other welfare reps, Fresher reps, ticket reps and the exec and non-exec and it was out job last night to introduce the Freshers into Stephenson college in true Stevo Ranger style - after they caught their first bear they had to complete several challenges set by their block captains - my ideas were very tame and innocent such as "find someone with the same birth place as you" and to tell an exec member that you're interested in mountain climbing and "where is the nearest mountain?" whereas as the night went on I saw Freshers' with several numbers written on their arms, phone numbers? hats were stolen and I mean stolen - naughty, reps were thrown in the air, catwalk walks were done and 'shoe phone' was seen (where did that come from?), Freshers got drunk and Freshers completed their first chant - trying to get 400 Freshers to listen was damn hard mann but oh so worth it. Other challenges included putting a condom on your head (for safe sex obvs) in the fastest time and having a Stemo (VK Cherry, Apple sours shot and Cointreau), the college drink or a Lollipop (yum!, its a non alcoholic drinks to all the t-totallers). It was very interesting (in an abstract psychological, non weird (ok weird) way) to see how the newbies came out of their shells - 6 hours before I had met their parents and their innocent angel faces but oh how things change when the 'rents leave - I'm never having children. 

Bar crawl tonight! - Letting the rabbits, rangers and ravers into a club, after several rounds of drinking games and a formal dinner things could get not messy, but chaotic! - WOOHOO, can't wait. 

//P.S. to all the people I have promised a mention to I will get round to it! I'm just concocting the best post ya see 

Stay safe Fresher! (and reps!) 

RHS x

Ku

Tuesday night, after a day of moving in a handful of International students, a nap and a risotto there was a mild panic about what to wear - It was PUB GOLF - so golf attire was "e-s-s-e-n-t-i-a-l" acc. the  Head Fresher Rep - forfeits for those who slacked (usual forfeit: drinking a raw egg mm-mmmm)

So some terribly short shorts it was and a knitted jumper with a collar. For most it was the jumper over the shoulders "hot day on the GC look" 

Anyway, that minor panic aside and our third flat mate arriving (as we prayed we wouldn't be late and have to sit (or drink) a forfeit) we headed to Pub Golf which began in our college central (Central), where we were allocated partners. Now this was interesting as it had to be a boy and a girl and there was another mild panic as we prayed it would be someone nice (everyone's nice, but you get the picture) so my friend and I were partnered up (everyone asking us if we were ok with our partners and I will just say that they were the best - downing a pint of Gunniess when it isn't even one of the challenges(my partner)? and talks about babies (my friend's partner)? - we were just fine! 

So we were given our scorecard, in which showed the challenges - the first challenge (drinks, always) - A Steamo - which contains an alcopop, commonly known as VK (I have been paid to say that) - the college drink which is very red and very cherry flavoured but the downside it contains caffeine - which means poor Ruth can't drink it so I had to get my scorecard edited - a Steamo became a Rosé Spritzer and Jagerbomb became Jaegermeister and lemonade - yes really. 

The idea of Pub Golf is to down your drink in the number of sips stated for each hole - hopefully you can down your drink in one to keep up with the scores but trying to down a 1/2 pint of cider (cidre if you're French) which is freezing cold is never easy, think brain freeze for your throat so the ability to swallow becomes impossible...

As you can see, and was the case things got messy, chants in the middle of Stockton town centre "WE ARE RANGERS" -  yeah cool, a train of golfers, normal, storming into people's locals however was hilarious to see their faces, running out of wine glasses so we were drinking out of cups to down our wine - so classy - the locals helping behind the bar and overcharging for snakebite and black (just a word to Mr Snakebite - why would you invent such a vile liquid?!), taking pictures in the toilets so that we miss the "move on" to the next bar, hearing "FORE" and having to dive on the floor, whilst paying for your drink, or throwing yourself against a wall - all t0 avoid having a shot - wow, we so cray. 

Our Partners - The Storytellers

the 8th hole - The Storytellers, I spent most of that time in the toilets with the people who were totally not being sick (which added +10 onto your score), singing (shouting) happy birthday at complete strangers (she loved it) and taking pictures that resembled Zoolander? is that right - jeez I must have been slightly tipsy - so much so I may have not done the challenge in that bar and may have written that I did my Jaegermeister and lemonade in one - which I obvs would have been able to do - I'm so sorry! I'm defs getting a forfeit for this next time were out. 

The 9th hole - Ku - thats Ku like cue, or queue, not Ku like a bird cooooo coooo - Ku like a snooker bat not a blue tit, got it, good. We were welcomed into the club by Kendrick Lamar and his swimming pools - he was totally there... in spirit anyway. Everyone came alive then, and everyone was best friends - as everyone is after a couple too many Sambuca shots - thats a Sambuca shot for £1 BTW - I should be paid for this. The music was the best of urban, R&B and other chart - all was well in the world of Ku, cue and queue until the other college arrive, the name slips my mind but they came in masses, admittedly it was only about 11:30pm by the time we got there but several alcohol related challenges later they looked as fresh as a daisy and we looked like trodden on tulips, ok maybe that was just me but its all ok because the creator of our college made steam trains and astonished the world and theirs invented white stuff that annoyingly falls from the sky when its cold - choose your college wisely! 

Scorecard

Ah so all was going swimmingly in Kendrick Lamar's swimming pool when we had to go and help my friend who was slightly on the tipsy side, the amount of people who regurgitated nasty concoctions of alcohol isn't possible to count on 5 hands - it was a lot, Pub Golf is a dangerous non-sporting activity and should not be a joke, although its very funny to watch everyone's golf hats be turned upside down and people saying how much they haven't spoken to you much before but are "literally in love" with you and people forgetting how to drink drinks normally so down every drink they see and people getting taxis home when they live 2         minutes walking distance away - standard.

I will use this opportunity to mention a certain boy, a fellow Welfare Rep, a Yorkshire man, Thomas Perkins (Tom, Tommy P, Perky, whatevs) I need to say (he didn't ask me to write this) his dance moves were so slick even the black (or gangster, lets be equal) kids couldn't compete, as above the hat was turned upside down and those shapes put Justin Timberlake to shame - girls, watch out, in Ku Tom lures you in and keeps you hooked watching his dance moves. Those hip do not lie. 

That was Rep Initiation over and it was undoubtedly brought everyone together - awww. So now the arrival of the freshers, we already have an array of internationals in college and the home students arrive on Sunday then Durham Freshers Week 2013 officially begins! woohoo #DurhamUni #Freshers2013 #Unay #bestweekever #bestsongever #pinkflyingturtle #Stevo 

NB: I am a welfare rep which means this post was not intended to promote heavy drinking.

Take it easy tiger! 

RHS x

In which I am christened "Welfare Rep"

I've been back in Stockton now for four days, which is nothing to shout about, apart from that we are living in a flat right on the high street - right next to B&M and Topshop, (only in Stockton). With a broken oven, TV port, microwave, hoover, extractor and no hot water, however we do have Virgin Broadband which is so fast. But I definitely wouldn't recommend Jomast property group.

Moving on from the boring issue of council tax exemption forms and broken flats in general, I am a Welfare rep this year, along with several other slightly incredible people. This involves me being T-total through the majority of my 2nd year and looking after Freshers - not holding back their hair if they are being sick but ensuring no one dies - which would be a bit tragic.

So far we have received our Fresher Rep tops, bright yellow for Welfare - which, lets be honest goes with absolutely no skin tone, but at least we can be seen and at least I have "Mary Poppins" on the bottom of my top as my "Banter name" - hilarious.

So yesterday involved us doing a boat race - to all those innocent young-ens out there you stand in a line and down an alcopop as quick as you can to beat the other team - really healthy, really good for you and you don't get bloated at all. So anyway VK it was which soon turned into a J20 for me as VK has caffeine in it - can you believe?! - J20 is much easier to down, as there are no bubbles!

call me Mary

There were also egg competitions which involved building a tower with newspaper, to support the egg and be the tallest of all the teams - the losers, or anyone who dropped the egg had to down 2 raw eggs - yummy, there ended up being 3 downers of eggy alcopop - all that protein.

Day 2, today - the "serious" stuff, which involved trying to rein-act the handshake from parent trap, only to be bettered by a twin who knew the whole thing, damn, and learning an "interesting fact" about everyone which we had to tell the group the most interesting one we had heard - from no nipples when born to having a rabbitt called Lady Gaga, haha who does that?!

So, the serious stuff, Nightline, the Durham University version of the Samaritans, apart from they aren't religious and can give no advice at all and are just there to listen - we were given example role plays which got so deep you had to hold it together! If anyone needs a good listener I know 50 reps that have been trained! 

Onto tomorrow - filling the Freshers' rooms with welcome packs and calendars, an against smoking course and all for the arrival of the International students. Aww - can't wait!! 

Its gonna be a crackin' Freshers'

Peace out bread bin

RHS

Confessions of an all girls' private school pt.II

Yes, that's right. My most popular post "Confessions of an all girls' private school" (with 426 views!) has a part two. 

I have just taken a break from my packing for my second year at University and decided to watch 'Harrow: A very British school' - some people I'm at Uni with went there, so I was very intrigued. Many things I saw reminded me of Ockbrook, minus the 90% less school fees, the very small in comparison to Harrow's 200 acre grounds, no boys (until now) and I'm pretty sure I wasn't called a 'Shell' in year 7 - 'A shell waiting to be filled with knowledge' - I came up with that myself. 

Anyway, there were some things that were similar, but lets be honest, every private school is different and Ockbrook was, lets say a private school that tried so desperately hard to be an "all girls private and very posh" posh school. But unfortunately the odd girl just kept letting it down (or the whole year, or the whole school), so rebellious, yet so amazing. 

You had to stand up when the headmistress walked into assembly, then sit down after she sat down, then stand up 4 seconds later to sing "be still", which you tried to remember the words to, as everyone looked two rows ahead or four people to the side to the hymn books of the teachers' pets who always remembered their hymn book, whether they were falling apart or not, everyone HAD to have one other wise you would receive the cane, or just a sly glare from your head of year. 

Showers were mandatory after P.E. (thats physical education darling), sorry, I meant it was mandatory for the teachers to tell us to have a shower then us to wet out feet and walk round the changing room looking like we'd all had a shower - ahh how we fooled our P.E. teachers... 

P.E. now that was a fine lesson. I will always remember my first summer P.E. session of Year 7 (as a shell), we were placed on the slightly undulating 300m grass track (which was potentially more about 278m - but who's counting?) and told to run 800m - now as we all know (yawn) I did x-country in year 5 and 6 (which I hated), but that grass track put a rocket up my year 7 skort and gave me the second fastest time in the year! (the first knows who she is! - and I was 30 seconds slower then her - the difference between gold and 57th place in the Olympics, but who's counting?). Now as every school knows there are your sporty kids aaaand your not so sporty kids (the sporfy kids as I like to call them, the kind that even by the time year 11 swimming came along still hadn't heard of a tampon, you know what I'm talking about) so the Sporfy kids were shouted at - they pretended to have an asthma attack whilst the teachers ran along side them (and I was on my second 800m) - I'm such a show off. 

Ok, something I was terrible at but every other girl seemed incredible at - Hockey. My worst nightmare, coming back from Summer holidays and it was Hockey season, I wouldn't have made the school C team - there weren't enough girls to make a C team - exactly my point. I was petrified my insured fingers would get smacked and I'd never be able to play the piano again - tragic and really upsetting. We had to have gum guards, shin pads, football boots, embroidered track pants, track top, skort, P.E. shirt and kit bag, and goggles and shoes and socks and we practically had to embroider ourselves - the pain. High jump, I was SHOCKING at that, the annual Pentathlon seemed a good idea at the time - Ockbrook always won the girls' section but Friesland always won the boys' section - but we'll obviously let them off for that because who was judging their sport anyway? - slight tangent Ruth - I have scars on my poor shins from that stupid bar, could I fosbury flop over that thing at 10cm? NO! I was awful. 

Moving away from P.E. - we had a pet, a peahen to be exact, where it came from we don't know. But then it died, it was really sad, no really it was really sad. Our first assembly back after summer and to be  broken with that news was horrifying - especially when the head teacher actually told us where she and the head of science found it dead - poor year 7's. But, nevertheless we got about 5 in its place - boy peahens and girl peahens... something like that. And it was like the witch of the senior staff department (fill in with name of most disliked teacher)  had re-incarnated the peahen and it had gone badly wrong... 

Windows were propped open with 5 copies of "Of Mice of Men" - many broke from the weight - we like to think that was why Lenny crushed things - lovely. People were hit on the head with the book after it would "accidentally" fall from the window and fall 3 stories - it was never me. I swear on my 90 denier tights. We had 3 maths rooms - the sliding door one was obvs the best, then one became the IT room (suite!) which no one was allowed to use because the computers were brand new - sorry whats the point then? - this was the new headmistress by this point, she changed our school holidays to match with Loughborough's private schools because thats where her children went... 

Creative arts... creative arts... what to say about creative arts. This was the evening every year I dreaded. The actual evening itself included every year in the sports hall (minus the sixth formers, they got the dance studio) with group dances to Soulja Boy and lots of Haribo and lemonade - so we were all obviously so drunk by the time we were called to perform it was hilarious. Ok that was one time. So creative arts was the night where every year and the dance groups from every year performed dance and drama - my two most hated subjects ever. I attempted to do the year 10 Spanish dance but I was basically told in a very nice, roundabout way, I was more suited to running and athletics - basically I was too muscly and fast for the dance - whatever! - I'll go and twist my ankle on the pot-holed track! Ok so there was a time when in art - we as hormonal year 9 students had to dance under a dragon - yes a real one - well made of papier-mâche and a mad concoction of paint - it was a chinese theme - der - and we all stood underneath this "work of art" and danced - whilst we ripped off the newspaper inside and left it on the stage, teehee. Other creative arts years included a dance to the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory theme tune, a dance with a pearly squash ball and finalés that involved crying P.E. teachers, flowers and "don't stop believing" - dear, oh dear. 

The black door and the white door - The black door is for students and the white door is for parents (and students) - I once took my mum through the black door and was almost expelled on the spot when our Deputy Head saw. No"Hello Mrs Smith" it was more like "Ruth Hannah Smith what are you doing bringing a parent through the black door!?" - erm, soz miss. 

OH THE HORROR - "MISS" wow, when pupils came from schools that weren't, well lets just say, Ockbrook, - the words "MISS" and "SIR"came out, well, that, 4 years before, would have been worthy of 5 strikes with the cane, but luckily only 1 nowadays. It was so shocking it was worse than the first surprise head lice check. 3 years later at a different sixth form there I am calling my teachers "miss" and "sir" ah Ruth, so common, poor thing - I had so much potential. At Ockbrook you'd get ignored by the teacher until some Ockbrook-ian would correct the non Ockbrook-ian. 

I remember when I went to pick up my GCSE certificates - through the white door I went, greeted very nicely by the P.A. to the head and not very nicely by the Deputy Head who glanced at me whilst I checked all my certificates were there and asked that as I was no longer a pupil that I don't enter the school to say hello to anyone and that I quickly leave - like I was some embarrassment - well I never. How rude. 

So yes I, in the words of our sister, Dory, "ES-CAP-ADE" to a.n.other sixth form and left behind a very odd but memorable place that was potentially the most trying of poshest places ever. 

I will never forget the day the OED fell from my head during 'graceful walking' lessons. 

Stay clever!

RHS x 

Micellar

Ah I wish this post was about an actually cellar that was mine which housed lots of wines - unfortunately thats the inheritance. 

No no, its the new "step aside make-up remover wipes" solution. I have make-up remover wipes but ever since I went to France and got lost in their incredible La Pharmacie's I have stood by the French made La Roche-Posay. Nothing has come close to removing my make up down to the last clogged pore. 

I used to swipe over my face with some No.7 face wipe - which according to my Dermatologist at Clinique (ok, just the guy who runs the counter who I go and cry to about my skin every week in Boots) pushes make up into pores, I know, so he told me I need to use a water based cleanser. So it was

my mission in France to buy some La Roche, and please buy La Roche in France, not England, not Spain, not the Bahamas but France.

I got the Physiological Micellar Solution 400ml for €11 - in Boots 200ml of the stuff is £12! - don't say I didn't try to tell you. 

Anyway my usual routine is swipe with a face wipe and scratch my eyes trying to remove mascara, wash my face with Clinique and then use Clinique Clarifying Lotion (like an exfoliator in toner form) and that cotton pad used to be filthy! (even after using soap!) - but now that my Fairy Godmother has waved her wand over my head and not Cinder's I have La Roche, it wipes away days of dirt - its incredible and the smell yum, its like a subtle coconut mm-mm. 

So whats in it - Ruth has done her homework 

The first ingredient is 'Aqua' - so there's a bit of a dodgy 90's band in there but I can deal with that. 

Then one ingredient I am going to look out for in future is 'Poloxamer' - there are many forms, 184 in this Micellar - its used to cut through oils and dirt and allow it to stick to the 'Aqua' on the cotton pad so everything is lifted off your face like a magnet - lovely, ta. 

Polyaminopropyl Biguanide - this is a great substance which is found in many areas of cosmeceuticals, its used in baby wipes, contact lens solution and other make up removal formulas. Its great because it has antibacterial properties - the Micellar solution is non-comdengenic which means it stops acne being aggravated. 

Chemistry lesson adjourned. 

So after a week or so of me using this solution I saw it in a magazine (but a L'Oreal version - which may be cheaper than going to france to get some La Roche!), and apparently its a favourite backstage at LFW to quickly remove lipstick to the lip base for quick make up changes! - I know, Auntie Ruth is amazing.

Why Micellar and not cleanser? - cleanser clogs your paws and your pores and makes your skin pause and gives you spots, Micellar is just good water. 

Do not use make up remover wipes, ever! - repeat!

or if you MUST, use a Micellar afterwards! 

RHS x

Cool isn't unique

Red van outside, footsteps, the 3rd day of the month, the biggest drop ever. ITS HERE! 

ahh the arrival of a new month's Elle magazine - my third year of subscriptions is nearly over so therefore I have a massive hoard of them - if anyone wants a browse!

I came back from Spain to find October 2013 waiting for me - I LOVE October Elle - its always the biggest, the fattest, the most packed with fashion and beauty. But it was the September 2013 Elle content that caught my eye - not fashion or beauty - but the Elle #inspire page. Usually I'm just waltzing through this page like "ahh nice thoughts but I'll never use them" - Not this time. This Elle #inspire was written by Caitlin Moran, if you havn't heard of her you've had your head buried further in the sand then the foundations of the Eiffel Tower, and being a boy isn't an excuse, I was mightly impressed when a boy at Uni told me he had read her debut novel "How To Be A Woman" - now that is an interesting read - clearly even for men, I'm talking tasting your own menstrual fluid to having Brazilian waxes, aye she does-ne hold back. She writes for the Times and when she was 15 was a journalist for the Observer (which she writes about in her debut novel). The novel is being made into a film and at 38 she had just released her second novel "Moranthology". She's currently the 'voice of the female world' and very much a feminist.

So what's on the page?

My favourite little snippet is "Stop trying to be cool and be individual instead" 

"Cool isn't unique" - I'm now seeing that everywhere, who's "cool" in the music charts? - Rihanna - great, One Direction - great, cool, but not unique, Unique is London Grammer and Birdy and The 1975 - they were probably the uncoolest of the uncool crew at school but look at them now so so unique they write their own songs about anything and everything as opposed to writing the best song ever which still doesn't have a name, or songs called Hard, getting beaten up by your boyfriend then getting back with him, thats so cool man. 

"Being cool stops people talking to you and your world will just get smaller and smaller" 

- so true I can vouch for this - at school everyone wanted to be with the cool kids, but looking back now - who got the best grades? who got on well with the majority? who can look back and say I enjoyed everything I did and regret hardly anything - not the cool kids! the unique ones - they have a massive open world wheres as the general "Smiths" (ouch Ruth) or mediocres limit their world to only the things they will try. Unique people will try anything. 

That brings me onto the next point of "It's no good thinking 'If I am amazing something incredible will happen'" - thats what the cool kids think - I won't expand but will leave that as food for thought or words for thought, whatever. 

And her last "Don't leave the house without a motto" - Caitlin's is "Scream" haha ahh Scream, a Derby nightclub, probably not the best motto for lovers of Scream. 

"Count your blessings and not your flaws"- 'King' Lauren Aquilla 

Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land amongst the stars - or complete darkness in which you're all alone - so best just to make your own up. 

you only live once thats the moto honey YOLO. (lol, "honey") 

be good

RHS x

Injury

I've just come back from my usual 5 mile run on a Sunday, an hour after breakfast and an hour before a bacon sandwich - wholemeal bread of course. 

Oh wait, that was a dream. I'm sat on the sofa, an hour after breakfast, an hour before lunch, watching the X Factor in my "loungewear".

I would have gone for a 5 mile run if I wasn't injured. 

My first physio appointment was 8th August - a month after I jolted my hip running over uneven ground through fields - I havn't run since 10th July - I know, you can cry for me if you want. 

Derby 10k for Cardiac Risk in the Young

Everyone who knows me knows that I run everywhere - I'd even started to like treadmills! I've ran for my school, my area and even attempted x-country for Derbyshire - that ended well. NOT. Running is my way of "releasing" - gay - like Beyoncé loves the sea - I love running, listening to some dance tunes easily makes you run faster. Running (According to Women's Health magazine) is better for you than swimming as it burns more calories per hour - people just prefer swimming because everyone thinks its easier and doesn't require too much effort for a leisurely swim - erm, God made us with legs, were not fish - therefore it is more natural to run! Plus I always think about the Kenyans who had to run hundreds of years ago to deliver messages and they'd just keep running and Forest Gump! he ran and he ran and he ran and he just kept on running. I don't think about the poor Salmon who have to swim to lay their eggs - get me? 

So, no running for well over 2 months now and its horrible. My right femur bone jolted into my hip joint causing the bursa (capsule of fluid to cushion the joint) within the ball and socket joint to inflame - so much so I could barely put any weight onto my right leg it was so painful - I couldn't move my foot from the accelerator to the brake due to the minuscule rotation required from the hip joint - I know. 

Weirdly, I've already had an injury like that last year when I fell off a bike (yawn, sorry for all the people who have heard this story a million times!) I landed on my elbow and my humerus (haha) jolted into my shoulder joint and actually burst the bursa (bursitis) which left me paralysed in my right shoulder for about a month - I had one arm for everything, had to brush my teeth with my right arm and couldn't go back to work for ages as I couldn't put table cloths on tables - nightmare - and the scars to this day are red raw - ouch. I'm so injury prone!

So I've been given hopping exercises for my 4th physio session (OW OW OW OW OW) - I've not been doing any impact till now and oh my life I'm in pain! And then he said 5 weeks he MIGHT discharge me - so that will be over 3 months with no running - aaand I'm part of my University athletics team - this should be interesting - cross-trainers just aren't the same. 

After the Middlesbrough 5k for the British Heart Foundation

Everyone who has had an injury that has caused them to stop training for a long period of time (I'm not talking a poorly pulled hamstring that heals in a week, I'm talking burst fluid capsules and injuries needing steroid injections or surgery!) will totally understand you just sit there like "I could be running now, coming back and thinking 'why did I go that fast' ahh! because I know I'm getting faster and better and stronger!" but currently I'm getting slower and weaker! - not totally true I guess I've been doing arm and core strength but leg strength and speed will take probably 2 months to get back after I start training again. 

I have had many injuries in my time - shin splints (still won the area 800m though didn't I!), pulled Achilles heel and soleus, metatarsal problems ahh the list continues with random pulls and tears after training that stick out like a hernia - niiiiiice - all part of sport! And its so amazing to see your body recover and get back to your routine - Thats whats holding me together! 

I can imagine a lot of people are like "its just running!" - but when its something that is your life it means everything - err listen to me. 

At least I can still wear heels (and endure the pain the next day in my hip!) 

You'll heal - I'm a prime example, it just requires patience. 

love, stay safe and warm up well! 

RHS x 

9 days in 1 post

We three Kings of Orient are... bearing tans we traverse afar...

Its been 9 days, 50 shades of pink, brown and black, 2 aeroplane rides, over 20 tube rides, too many cocktails, overdosing on sun and my first girls holiday.

Spain; Mijas to be precise, Mijas was incredible - so quaint and pretty, but Marbella (30 minutes away) wasn't what we expected!! Its great if you like paying €8 a cocktail, being chatted up by 12 year olds and where the busiest club is a gay bar. Oooh, pizza slice is only €2.50 though! - fresh too. mm.

I've been begged to write this blog post - it won't be easy fitting 178 hours into one post... but here goes!!

So, Spain it was, we were very lucky to be able to stay in our friends' apartment high up in the beautiful hills of La Cala de Mijas.

The wildlife wasn't so lovely - were talking frogs in the pool, loads of screams over killer, sorry "killer" wasps, a toad and when I say toad, I mean, like, a toad. And a cricket, that clearly loved us SO much it didn't want us to leave. It was huge, I - obviously being the bravest... - was told to sort out this cricket with its massive jumping legs blocking our only exit route - I was like ha no thanks so down two floors it was - in the lift of course as a dead frog was blocking stairs - to the car park, sorry the opening set in Saw I, II, III, IV, V, VI and VII. Don't ask how we managed to get out - I still can't remember.

nice tan!

We enjoyed Mojitos, mojito sorbet, Simon - heheheheee - ahh, sangria, pervy policemen, nice english ice cream shop owners, too much WIFI, red hot sand, blue sea, no lifeguards and enough rosé to take far too many photos. Don't go on my facebook.

As I basked in olive oil, some call it Piz Buin? fellow girls were burning in scorching heat - when I say burning I mean tan lines that look like a hand print, very odd. Now with my heritage - don't ask - I finished the holiday on SPF 6 Tanning Oil but still had SPF 15 on my face - who wants UV sun spots, wrinkles and sun damage? - not me! but Miss Ireland (pseudonym - not even from Ireland but would fit in nicely) thought it would be so wise to stick to the SPF 30, bless, feel for you babes! - it will brown x

Marbella, its not great - lets be really honest, its overpriced, shops aren't great "Où est le H et M?" (I know thats French, do I look like I even know a word in Spanish?!), but there was a Zara - 1 point - everyone goes because of that awful orange programme - The Only Way Is an Excuse to go to Marbs - has anyone else noticed they are always on a boat in that show - thats because Marbella isn't all "that" - "that" being nothing to begin with. Simmer the hype - old school.

We ate carbs in Marbs - is that allowed? We ate carbs before Marbs... because were sensible girls who know that not eating carbs means that the body will begin to store everything you eat and burn it off as sugar, meaning you will just get fatter - something like that anyway - Dr Delbridge?

Ok, so we went late in the "pardy season" but we expected a buz - yes? - no. Dead, ok, not dead, there weren't lots of flies everywhere but no where got busy till 12:30am! and we got to Marbella (pronounced MarbeLLa apps - the Spanish are SO common) at 9:30pm - haha, amateurs - but its ok, because there was Wifi...

I finished reading Oscar Wilde and started reading Charlotte Brontë, got into Kendrick Lamar - as in, started to like his music, obvs - "diiiiiive in", bought cheap, cheap vodka, made a "sex on the beach" cocktail out of vodka, apricot liquor, redcurrent juice and orange juice - 50% right, drank WKD - mate this stuff is better than Herbal Essences, cooked risotto with no stock - call me Jesus, had to put up with the next door neighbours smoking cannabis at ridiculous times and they had a young girl! - shocking, but the worst, the icing on the cake, the worst way to end the week (9 day week) was when it was announced: "SHALL WE WATCH HIGH SCHOOL MUSICL 3?!" - to which I laughed so much I fell off the balcony, not really but I wish I did, or I wish that Cady pushed my in front of a bus because that film is so CRINGEY, in fact, there is no word in the OED to describe it. I mean, really? - of course you're that obsessed with a girl, you will "drive" 1063 miles (or whatever was in that horrific song) to pick her up when she's told you she's not interested - move on boi, and of course you can just enter your school at midnight and sing "scream" (he sang "scream" - he didn't scream, oh wait, he did) and bump into your drama teacher, yeah whatever - and of course you're 18 and say goodbye to your girlfriend with a hug and of course - I can't even remember, I don't want to. All I know is that my cat could have written a better script and better songs and I don't even have a cat - basically thin air could have written it better. Awful. But - the good news, drum roll - the standard "how much weight have I put on whilst on holiday" - now, no joke it was about 9lbs when I got back from France - cheese and wine is just FAR too incredible - so it was the moment of truth this morning - 1lb everyone, 1lb! did everyone see that - So impressed with myself so I treated my mother to afternoon tea - ideal daughter over here. 

Ahh, so to finish with the best sentence of the week - "J'ai perdu mon sac a la gare" - say with a Chinese accent on "gare" - bien - Oui, plus français 

A few final tips from Ruth: 1. if you fly with Easy Jet, take ear plugs, not just because of the screaming babies and shushing mums and the noisy hostesses - or hosts (odd), equality and all that but because of the constant drone on the tannoy - "give to charity!", "blow into the tube to inflate!", "buy e-cigaretts", "Easy Jet BISTRO!", "*spanish words*" - how about YOU JUST DRIVE (or fly, what is the word to operate a plane?) AND I JUST TRY AND SLEEP?! 2. I have a great friend who can get a great price on hair braids. 3. Don't leave your mobile phone in your pocket when walking through a security gate, or leave a bottle of water in your bag! (ahh, fun and games eh). 4. Don't have a dog allergy if you arrive into Gatwick, or don't carry drugs in a pregnancy bump (was the woman for real?!) because those black four legged sniffing canines will smell every part of you and nuzzle their nose everywhere and not have to ask first!. 4. Spanish chicken isn't great and DO NOT drink the water - sad moment with carrot juice and tap water comes to mind. aw. 

Ahh, 

I don't know any Spanish so I'll finish in Afrikaans - my native language 

lief vir julle almal

and for the common English - "I am your father" 

Lol jk. Love you all! 

RHS x 

September 1st 2013

I was dropped off in Nottingham at 10:30am to catch my train (I know, I stepped over the boarder- and even in the early hours of a Sunday I definitely saw a drug handover). 

The train journey in itself wasn't that interesting although there were no plug sockets - I know - so it was the old fashioned reading I had to undertake - Sibyl Vane dies, sorry if that ruins it. I haven't finished yet! 

I arrived in London St Pancras (international, ofcourse) at 12:45 and was greeted by a pile up at the ticket gates because no one had the right ticket and 11 out of the 10 weren't working. 

I met my friend (after we both spotted the same guy wearing a Durham University tracksuit!) just outside Kings Cross and then we had to get the underground. Collectively we have done this 4 times in our whole lives and were with people who knew what they were doing that time. 

We had to risk that the tickets we had would work so we proceeded to the Victoria Line, well I did and nearly got my hand ripped off when my large suitcase got trapped in those silly gates, nightmare, so a pleasant girl used her mussel card to let me through and it worked for me then wouldn't let her trough, oops sorry! 

So we found our tube, after we realised we wanted southbound - obvs. Ah so several stairs, lifts and escalators later we arrived at Green Park to take the next tube to Waterloo. 

Ahh the area of Waterloo, where we greeted by a "painter" in a dodgy park, with a can of carling (whilst we were enjoying a snack of nuts and gourmet sandwiches) started telling us we would "make it far... You will... I mean that...don't let anyone tell you you're wrong or can't do something" he rattled on so we declared our train out of Waterloo was 10 minutes before it was so we kindly legged it. 

Ahh it was decided us three friends would tackle top golf - a very popular place where you hit balls and aim for targets to get points, now I haven't played golf for 5 years but I am definitely starting again! But it's not the place for good players (average players) because none of my balls went into the targets. But they did to a long way- so unfair. But my other friend was a pro! Now my other friend is a lefty and she'd never played golf, so that was an interesting experience... She definitely progressed! 

Now today where heading round London to see the sights then have an expensive night out... Can't wait! 

Happy holidays! 

(Marbella in 1 yay!)

RHS x 

Waterloo station & the London eye